week 3 | muscle memory
As many of you know, our dog passed away almost two weeks ago. In the days since I’ve noticed that although we know he’s gone our bodies and minds still behave as though he is still curled up cozy in a sunbeam. I am careful when I enter the laundry room in case he is there eating from his bowls behind the door. My husband thinks to let him out every morning when he gets up and every night before bed. The children expect to see him laying at the foot of the stairs when they get up for breakfast each day. We are not delusional – we understand that he is no longer with us – but the memory of his being here is more powerful than the logic of understanding that he is not. He is imbedded in the fiber of who we are and it will take time for our reality to catch up with his.
I mention this because it brings to mind the general idea of muscle memory – or the fact that something or someone can have such a powerful presence on your life without you realizing it. I cannot help but wonder what other aspects of my life are on a certain degree of autopilot. I can’t help thinking that there must be a good number of things I think and feel and do simply because they’ve become a habit, an expectation. If something as undeniable as death does not immediately affect experience what less significant things are changing the outcome of my day, my life?
I’ve been fascinated with the idea that thought affects outcome for some time now but especially since beginning my Law of Attraction Test Drive. In the past few weeks I’ve been trying to purposefully alter my thinking in an attempt to see if the Law of Attraction is real. Realizing that so much of what I think, feel and do is likely happening out of habit makes me really wonder if I am manifesting the life I actually want or if the life I have is coming from habits created long long ago.
The absence of our wonderful little dog is a solid fact. There is no mistaking it and yet we are all having daily moments of forgetting that he is gone. It is no wonder then that far less tangible realities or thoughts are far harder to manipulate and control.
The past week – week three of my Law of Attraction Test Drive – has been no less challenging than the first two. I naively expected that the epiphanies of each successive week would make the next that much easier and that my thoughts will be retrained once and for all. This is not proving to be the case. It turns out that much as it will take time for my body and mind to fully comprehend the loss of our dog, so will it take time to change the way I think and feel about the look of my midsection. I am far more accustomed to the dog being here than I am to his not and the same is true of the way I think about my tummy.
I’m realizing that I must be diligent and painfully purposeful with my thinking in order to change my current habit of thinking negatively. I cannot get away with a few rah rah rah thoughts a day if I mean to begin using the Law of Attraction for good instead of evil. I must create new habits and that’s not a part time job. I have not given this the attention is is proving to require and the results are reflecting that. It’s going to take a lot more than I’ve been willing to give it until now and I’m ready to commit more fully. Not just because I want a flatter, more attractive stomach – although, admittedly, I do! – but because I want to show myself that I can change the outcome of my life with the power of my thinking.
Over time my family and I will understand on all levels that our dog is no longer with us – this won’t require concerted effort. Other less concrete thoughts and experiences are going to require more of my time and energy. I’ll be back next week to share how this process is going.
You can find the first three posts on The Law of Attraction Test Drive through the following links:
Getting Started
Week 1 Update – How She Go
Week 2 Update – This Ain’t Easy
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